Friends

As my condition has progressed and I can no longer walk, work or drive, I have seen my world become very small. I didn’t happen over night, but it did happen.Activities become limited. Friends begin to drift away. Fatigue takes hold. Opportunities for friendships, old and new become more difficult.

I belonged to a book club for 14 years. We would meet at a different member’s home each month. The hostess choose the book and had the choice of dinner at a restaurant before the meeting or a potluck at her house. For several years I was the club secretary and co-ordinated the calendar. This was easily done, even after I stopped working because it was all done via email on my home computer.

Getting to the meetings began to become an issue when I could no longer drive.
My friends offered to pick me up and for a while (when I was still able to use a walker) this worked out ok. Even so I remember one meeting where we were having a pot luck dinner at someone’s home. I had come in and found myself a place on the sofa in the family room to sit and folded the walker next to me. As the other women came in they all gathered around the kitchen island, drinking wine and filing their plates. One or two waved or acknowledged me, but I began to feel very isolated. Eventually one person came over and asked if I wanted her to bring me a plate and what would I like to drink. I accepted her gracious offer. Over the course of my eating dinner two women did come over to sit and talk with me for a few minutes but I still felt I was on the fringe of the group.

Then they decided to move into a different room for the discussion, so I got my walker and went along. The discussion was good, but it was at that moment that I first felt like an outsider.

Later on, as I became more dependent on my wheelchair for mobility I found it even more difficult to attend regular meetings. I needed my van with the lift to carry my wheelchair. My husband said he would drive me and pick me up.
Problem was many of the homes had stairs or steps or landings at the entrance and getting my chair in and out was going to be a problem. Not to mention the bathrooms! My chair does not fit into most guest bathrooms. Although I have grab bars and an ADA height approved toilet seat at home, other homes don’t have this, so this became my second problem.

Last December I hosted the holiday party/book club. I announced ahead of time that it would be my last meeting and that I felt it was time for me to back off. I was also having a problem holding the books and turning the pages as my condition was now affecting my hands and arms. I passed the administration duties on to someone else. I felt it was the end of an era.

At the end of meeting, someone handed me a card signed by the group.
I thought it was just a nice gesture until I realized that it held a $200 gift card to Amazon.com so that I could buy a Kindle e reader to continue to read and enjoy many books. I began to cry. Everyone told me how much they would miss me and how much I had meant to the club. I had no idea. Many people told me to call if there was ever anything I needed done, needed picked up or ever needed a ride. What a wonderful group of friends. A few of the women have remained in contact and even
picked up lunch and come over to my house to spend some time with me.

I have not attended a meeting for 5 months. June’s meeting hostess lives a mile from my home. She asked me if I would like to hold the meeting here (she would do all the work) so that I could attend in the comfort of my own home.

It just doesn’t get any better than that. I said Yes!